February 16, 2009

Now it’s personal

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — kmomof12 @ 2:53 am

I’ve held off on posting over the Octuplet birth and ensuing large family geared stories, including one of the articles that talked about my family. Oh I started a post many many times, then I changed my mind. I read the comments from “my” article, and came running here ready to justify, defend and explain myself. Then I thought….why bother? I’ve never needed anyone’s approval before (otherwise I’d have only had 3 kids). I don’t know why I’m looking for it it now. Besides the people that are commenting there didn’t seem to have the capacity nor the desire to see the other side of anything.

Then I started seeing blogs around with opinions on this topic and I was surprised. There were the moms with “smaller” large families that thought having 14 kids was over the top. Or went beyond a mother’s limits. HUH? So YOU don’t like it when people with 2 or 3 kids criticize you or think you’re crazy. But because you’re part of the “club”, it’s ok for you to think the same thing about someone else? And there was those that thought the cleanliness of her house made her a less capable parent. In that case I shouldn’t have been able to parent any kids (I’ve been a messer all my life) Yet I still didn’t end up posting here about it.

Now I HAVE to, because it’s gotten personal. Where in the past comments and disapproval came in veiled or overheard conversation, tidbits being passed on by someone else or disapproving looks. Now it’s no holds barred. Everyone feels it’s ok to say what they’ve been thinking all these years. It’s like we’re walking around with “Kick Me Please” signs on our backside and everyone’s waiting in line for a turn. Tom won’t tell me everything that’s said at work but I guess it’s been brought up a few times. He has mentioned that they’ve said…No one should ever had that many kids. And that they should send her (octuplet mom) to China, they’ll bring her down to one kid really quick. (His first response to this idiot was….What kind of truck do you drive again?)

All along I’ve sarcastically said…Let’s give everyone a lifetime carbon allowance. When it’s gone, their life is over. Then we’d see who’s kids lived the longest. Now I’ve cut back the sarcasm and say…give us an allowance, when you (or your kids) go over…then you have to pay! Then we’d see how fast everyone starts backpedaling. What!?! Penalize me for being able to afford luxuries in life? Well, my children are my luxury, so what’s the difference? But I won’t be able to buy whatever I want, live in my too big for my needs house, travel or drive my 1 ton truck without being penalized! You got that right.

I can guarantee you that when one of my children reaches adulthood, the amount left in their allowance will be a lot greater then a child raised in an average family. I was once a part of group which aimed toward 90% reduction in carbon output. I can assure you that even before I joined the group, my family of 14 (all the kids were living home then) was AT the national average or below in almost all seven categories, except maybe food. Not 3x the average, not double the average…AT the average of an AVERAGE household of 4. So each of my kids get 1/14 of the household allowance, the kids in an average family get 1/4.

Yes, I know…everyone is going to start the…but then they grow up and become adults and create their own households. First off, most kids (I know, there’s always the exception) live according to how they’re raised. So they should continue their frugal (money and resource) ways. Secondly, I don’t know too many large family kids who move off and live on their own. It’s not in them to be alone. They’ll most likely find roommates and then eventually marry, maybe even to *gasp* someone from a small family. (after all those kids have to have a house and family too).

I don’ t know how many times I can say it to people. It’s not the kids that are the problem, it’s the lifestyles the kids are brought into. It’s consumerism. It’s corrupt government, rulers, etc that cause starvation in the world. It’s industry that creates double the emmissions of all living people in the US. We are .5% of all those people. Why are we being brought to the forefront in this dilemma? Why are any of my children any less important or precious then someone’s 1 or 2 children. Why are they less important then YOU?

I’ve been known to be my sarcastic self at times when dealing with over population people at Tom’s work. I tell Tom to tell them…if it’s so bad for the earth for us to be here. Then do your part…find a rope and use it. After all, you are breathing in precious oxygen, eating up resources and creating greenhouse gases. Funny how fast they decide the earth isn’t in THAT bad of shape. It’s always easy to hold a stance…when it only effects someone else.

Kim is a mom to 12 kids ages 24yo to 18mos. She can also be found at her personal blog Musing Rambling and All Around Blathering, her food blog Growlies for the Gang and at LOK’s Large Family Cooking Blog



  1. Well said, Kim.

    Comment by Mirz — February 16, 2009 @ 12:54 pm

  2. You know, I’m frustrated that some of the angst towards octomom is being directed at large families. I read one article that said it would cost “millions and millions” to raise that many kids and I’m thinking, “HUH?” Another article claimed that there just isn’t enough time in the day to have that many kids.

    I’m not a fan of Nadya, but it’s not just because she ended up with fourteen children. I don’t think she was being wise to go back for even “just” a seventh when she wasn’t able to care for the first six and when she couldn’t provide her children with a father. Call me old-fashioned but I believe that children do best when they have both a mother and a father who love and care for them. Sure, there are single mothers (and sometimes fathers) who do the best they can, but usually they become single after they have their children, not before.

    But while I don’t think it’s possible for Nadya to provide physically, financially, and emotionally for her 14 children, I do think that a mother and a father who are dedicated to their family can certainly take care of 12, 14, or even more. I don’t think it takes “millions and millions” to do so, and I DO think there are plenty of hours in the day to meet all of their needs. Easy? No, but definitely possible.

    Comment by Christina — February 16, 2009 @ 4:41 pm

  3. Hear, hear! Well said, Kim. It is funny how people change their tune when they become the one that shouldn’t be here. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Comment by angie — February 19, 2009 @ 10:43 pm

  4. Great job, Kim, I totally agree with you.

    Comment by Kimberly — February 21, 2009 @ 1:27 am

  5. I’d hold up a lighter but the carbon emission people might get upset. Good words, well written.

    Being a mere piker (9 kids), I look at the hooplah about Octomom and think, what’s not being said but implied, that the responsible thing, would have been to kill most of these children in utero. (The real responsible thing would have been to implant only one or two, and to have screened the mom beforehand, but I digress).

    When the crazy people start those lines, “Too many” which is often enough, say “It is no sacrifice to be surrounded by people that love you.”

    Comment by Sherry — March 14, 2009 @ 2:40 am

  6. Funny that everyone criticises Nadya for having the octuplets – how come there is no naming and shaming of the doctor (And I have no doubt it is a HE) who KNEW she had 6 children and still implanted so many embryos? She didnt do it on her own.
    I seriously hope that one of those kids beats the odds, grows up and cures fricking cancer that will shut “them” all up.

    I do think that maybe Nadya is not quite balanced but at times I can relate to her, although do you really think she honestly expected to implant 6 embryos and get octuplets?

    Has anyone thought that maybe her being unbalanced could be the result of growing up in a lonely only one child family with not enough loving connection to others???? Where is the criticism of the parents with ONE child?

    I wish Nadya lived in Australia because she would not have to worry about how to feed her children or give them a decent education or pay for college. I think it is ridiculous that mothers have to live on food stamps and look for a job when they have small children – where do the children go when the mother is working for minimum wage?

    I seriously hope that one of those kids beats the odds, grows up and cures fricking cancer that will shut “them” all up.

    Comment by Leara — May 22, 2009 @ 3:49 am

    • I feel the way you do Leara. and GREAT essay Kim! I feel sad for Nadya and her children and wish more people were willing to help her. I just found this web site, which is AWESOME, so I’m a little late reading these blogs.

      Comment by Mary — August 2, 2010 @ 2:19 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: